From Dennis’ Life Is But a Blink

3. IT’S ALL ABOUT ME…NOT

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Andy Rooney (1919-2011) was an American radio and TV writer, especially known for his appearances on the CBS show 60 Minutes.  The thing I remember most about him was his “Rooneyisms.”  Look it up, he has written a bunch of clever sayings.  One of my favorites is: 

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. 

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

Kinda makes you smile—unless you’re getting to be my age.  Even though I know with all my heart that time is constant, it sure does seem like it moves faster these days.  When I was younger, I thought I had all the time in the world.  Now, not so much. 

I actually can’t think of a more intriguing concept than time.  You come to a particular scenario and think “wasn’t I just here?”  But actually the clock ticks at the exact same speed for everyone.  (86,400 ticks per day, for the record)  So, since everyone experiences the same number of hours in a day, I guess the issue is “how” you spend them. 

Now, if you think I’m about to give you a sermon about hard work, you apparently don’t know me very well.   Sure, when I was working on a writing project with Nan, perhaps a full musical, songs/arrangements/orchestrations to write, studio sessions to produce, etc.—yeah, I poured in the hours needed, day and night, without hesitation.

But, for most of our writing career, Nan and I have been freelance writers.  That simply means that we didn’t show up at anyone’s office from 9-5 each day.  We worked from home, so we could work hard one day and not work at all the next. In fact one of the knick-knacks on my office desk reads like this:

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

Bertrand Russell 

(For the record, I think it’s kinda funny that Bertrand Russell was a renowned mathematician/philosopher/pacifist/atheist, who I can’t imagine wasting any time.  But I’m off topic — look him up if you want more info.) 

In my life I have never hesitated to “chill” when I needed to do it.  But now, as my time “seems” to be going faster, “wasting” time is less appealing.   Whatever I was put here on this earth to do, I feel the urge to get on with it.   Sure, I do think the work and ministry of my past years has been based on what I think God put me on this earth to do.  But even though I am old, by the calendar, I don’t feel “done.” 

So, now, this is where I’d like to get a bit more vulnerable.  This is the “testimony” portion of this writing.  We all would like to give testimonies only about our successes.  But it’s kind of another thing to reveal our weaknesses.  It is quite interesting how we so easily forget God’s work in our past when we are faced with future uncertainty—even though I can point to countless times when the Lord clearly provided for my every need.  I am humbled by the opportunities I’ve had to minister to people, to write for His Church, to have a wonderful family. 

And yet, here I sit, apparently forgetting all those blessings—wringing my hands about the future.  Ok, I know you are thinking “hey knucklehead, why don’t you just sit back and enjoy retirement?”  I understand the question, but remember I told you that Nan and I were freelance writers.   We have always relied on being self-starters.  No one is sending you a check every two weeks when you are a freelance writer.  If you make a living, it’s because you have that “inner creative drive” to, well, create.  (and you hopefully have publishers asking you for it) 

So, when someone says to me these days “how are you liking retirement?” — I really don’t know how to respond.  Yes, I am old enough to retire.  Yes, I am familiar with the terms Social Security and Medicare.  But so far my “wasting time” is not very enjoyable.  (However, the extra time we now have to spend with grandkids/family is not wasted time, and definitely enjoyable.)

Do I think I’m just so important that everyone desperately needs my significant contribution into his or her life?  Dear Lord, if that is the way I feel, strike me down.  Am I just restless?  Maybe a bit, but mostly I’d like to think of myself as “laid back.”  Maybe I’m fooling myself. 

Hard fact-–I tend to be egocentric.  (translated: selfish, self-centered, etc., you get the idea)  Every once in a while I will surprise myself by thinking of someone else’s needs first, instead of mine first.  But this is sadly more of an exception than the norm.  It is true that we need to get ourselves in shape before we can help others. But I tend to let that get out of balance.  If you are that way also, I understand – and I’m sorry. 

I have a Certificate of Ordination hanging on my office wall.  I can look to the right of where I am sitting right now and see it.  In 1976 when my seminary church ordained me to the gospel ministry, it meant something then.  Here in 2023, does it still mean something?   One of the definitions I found about ordination is this: “ordination, in Christian churches, is a rite for the dedication and commissioning of ministers.”   Part of Ephesians 4 deals with the work of ministers — “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.”  That’s really what I understood in 1976, and over these 48 years of our marriage, the Lord has given Nan and me wonderful opportunities in local church ministry, in church music publishing, in teaching, to do those things.  

However, I am still ordained, so what does that mean in 2023?  Yes, I still have “equipping’ and “building up” opportunities.  But with each passing year, it looks different.  It used to be so consistent, so stable, so predictable.  But now it feels…

Am I just a whiner?  Could be.  But have you read some of the Psalms lately?  It’s really kinda hard to find a passage where David is not scared, or fearful, or whining.  Sure, there are many passages of praise and trust.  But there are tons of spots where it seems like his world is crashing in and He wants to hide.  Has he forgotten all God’s former blessings?   

One of my favorite aspects of the Bible is the fact that it contains stories about real people.  These are not plastic characters, they are real, and we can relate our lives to theirs very easily.  Like David, they had successes, but they also had failures.  They had faith, but they also had doubts.  

A great illustration of this is in Mark 9.  The disciples of Jesus had a chance to minister to a father with a sick son.  Scripture says the disciples could not help.  Jesus says to the disciples “how long shall I put up with you?”  (Sometimes I wonder if Jesus is saying that to me.)  The story in Mark continues with the father saying to Jesus “if you can do anything, help us.”  Jesus said, incredulously, “IF I CAN?”  (Wow! If we could see the video of this scene, Jesus is surely shaking His head from side to side.)  Then the quote of the day: “all things are possible for the one who believes.”

Then Dennis said (uh, I mean the father said) “I do believe; help my unbelief.” 

Yes, I know that the Lord has blessed my past.   And yes, I believe that the Lord has a blessed future planned from the beginning of time—just for me.  Lord, help my unbelief.   

So, I’ll conclude this testimonial with even more confession.  I wish my writing opportunities; our ministry opportunities were as numerous as they were in years past.  They are not.  So, does that mean that God is “done” with me?  He is not.   

When you are younger, you wonder what it will be like when you are older.  Some folks think that as you get older you start to “lose it.”  But as you get older you realize the opposite is actually true.  I have spent my life honing my craft, sharpening my skills, and I actually feel more creative energy inside me than I have felt in years.  So when opportunities in my field don’t come my way… 

I told you that this was the confession section.  I’m not looking for sympathy, I am simply sharing my heart, so you can hopefully feel free to deal honestly with your own hopes, and dreams, and fears.  Yeah, life is surely but a blink—and sometimes life stinks. 

Trusting my future to the same God who has provided a fruitful and productive past is how I need to spend my time.  Do I have any idea at all what that might look like?  Nope.  But in my case, I need to exercise my ordination into the gospel ministry, whatever that means for 2023, in whatever new path He provides.  All things are possible, if I’ll only believe.  Jesus is the one who said that, so yeah, there’s that.  So maybe most days I should just “get over myself.”  Ya think?

In our home entry hallway is a large piece of art from Joshua 1:9 — “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you, wherever you go.”  I need to step into that hallway more often.

This short life we all have to live is not about us.  It’s about being courageous, and not staying discouraged.  It’s trusting that the Lord is walking alongside us every step of the way.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born

and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain