I never meant for it to happen. In fact, I had guarded against it. I never wanted to totally give my heart to even one more person. My world was perfect. My heart was full. But at first sight of my first grandchild, a girl no less (five years ago today, June 14th) I caved. I didn’t really have much of a choice. She was more beautiful than I could have imagined. I was overwhelmed with love immediately!
Her first day home from the hospital I “volunteered” to hold her and rock her while the rest of the family got a little sleep. I have to admit, this was a scene I hadn’t rehearsed. And though I still remember the basics of newborn care, I hadn’t thought about what I would do in this our first “Nana/Brileigh time”.
She was fussy but I didn’t care. Her cries were music to my ears and then I remembered. Music. Maybe she needs music for her ears, too. Like I said, I hadn’t rehearsed this part and so I had to improvise. I launched into the first song that came to mind- a lullaby I had sung to her father and uncle as I rocked them.
Bye-lo baby. Bye-lo baby. Bye-lo baby. Bye-lo baby bye
(to the tune of “Go Tell Aunt Rhody)
Almost immediately she stopped crying and listened until her eyes started to close. Overcome by the beauty of the moment, I’d start to cry and couldn’t find my singing voice. So she would open her eyes and cry until I started singing again. Two hours of singing – crying – crying – singing and I had run through my entire repertoire several times. By then a parent or another grandparent demanded equal time. But with this I was totally hooked -totally in love with this child -totally had my heart stolen away by a little seven-pound pirate.
I’m still hooked after five years and as I watch her grow into a beautiful, kind, compassionate girl, I can’t imagine my world without her.
Shortly after that event I started on a lyric that her dad and I have been working on ever since. Maybe we’ll save it until one day someone steals her heart away … the little pirate.
Here’s our song for that day.
When She Smiles
©Nan Allen, Drew Allen
I built a world around myself
A perfect world I always kept
Neat and clean
And all about me
I wouldn’t let anybody in
I didn’t need anybody then
Or at least I thought
That’s what I thought
But she came along invaded my space
With a toothless grin that covers her whole face
Now when she smiles
My world falls apart
I go weak in the knees
I feel daggers through my heart
I can hardly breathe
All my walls come tumbling down
I melt into one big pile
When she smiles
I must admit it was not my plan
To see myself as the other man
But here I am
To give her hand
Never thought she’d find a guy
Who could love her even more than I
Or at least I thought
That’s what I thought
But he came along and invaded my space
Now he looks at her and it shows all over his face
Still when she smiles
My world falls apart
I go weak in the knees
I feel daggers through my heart
I can hardly breathe
All my walls come tumbling down
I melt into one big pile
When she smiles
Happy 5th birthday Brileigh Harper Allen! You’ll always be my girl!!
NAN…
As always… perfectly stated and presented.
Truer words may never have been written… or felt.
Derric
Love!!!
Mrs. Nan,
Some how, tonight as I am home alone (slightly homesick), kids sleeping and husband out, I stumbled across this. Drew’s baby is beautiful. Your writing touched me.
Blessings,
Amy (Sandifer) Black
Great to hear from you Amy. I kind of keep up with you through your mom. Hope you are doing well.
That was awesome Nan!!!!
Nan, Today is my Mother’s birthday as well. She is 92.
This.is.beautiful… okay, so, nothing new… I cried as I read your blog, then the song… right after hanging up the phone with our grown-up, doesn’t-need-me-as-much son… his heart’s been stolen as well… guess my song will come sooner than we know. I LOVE your writing, Nan.. always have, always will! Thanks for precious reminders of life!
We love you!