Sometime early on in my life I think I was bitten by the “angst bug.” It left a welt on my spirit that’s been itching me ever since and I can’t seem to get any relief from it. I don’t remember a time that I wasn’t looking beyond where I was right then only to ogle the place where I wanted to be.
When I was ten, I wanted to be 13. At 13 I wanted to be 16. At sixteen, 21 and so on. Single, I wanted to be married. Married, I couldn’t wait to be a mother. And as a mother I ran this same tape in my head as my children grew. I kept saying things like: “When he starts to sleep through the night, I’ll really enjoy this parenthood thing.” “When he starts to walk (or talk or be potty trained or start school) then I’ll be where I want to be in my life.” But somehow that place never came. There was always one more plateau that I needed to reach before contentment could truly kick in.
I guess everyone has some of the same feelings from time to time. It even might be called ambition – which is a good thing. I mean, we’re built and programmed to succeed, right? Ambitious thoughts followed up with aggressive pursuits are taught and revered. I get that. But when life is never satisfying for always waiting for the next mile marker to arrive, I think it’s time to stop and try to find out the problem or discover if it even is a problem. I’ve been wondering: Do I have an evil restless spirit that needs to be tamed? Is my angst robbing me of the joy of the moment?
So, this blog is for me. I need this. I need to ask those questions and find some answers. If you’d like to join me on this search, by all means come along.
Find all my books, drama, and music at www.allenhouseproductions.com
Nope, don’t let that angst feeling ever get away. I say charge ahead, be curious!!! Challange the moment and find out what’s out there!
Don’t ever stop writing. God has given you a wonderful gift and I am so glad you allow the rest of us to follow along.
Nan, I agree with Frances. You have a wonderful God given talent, not only in writing but in Music as well. I have thoroughly enjoyed your music, your books and look forward to following your blog.
Thank you so much for taking us down our own memory lanes…what a joy to reflect back…from memories that you pen for us to follow. What a gift!
Nan, I love your writings. I have the same angst feeling to see something amazing that God has created that gives me goose bumps and takes my breath away. Here are my top 10 places in no particular order:
1. Looking at billions of stars and the Milky Way in the night sky in the middle of the outback in Australia.
2. Any sunset in the Keys.
3. The first time I saw the ocean.
4. The first time I saw the Grand Canyon.
5. A sunrise from Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park Maine.
6. A clear day looking down on Yosemite State Park from Glacier Point.
7. The amazing colors of fall in Maine.
8. The birth of my children and grandchildren.
9. Standing atop the El Castillo pyramid at the Mayan ruins in Chichen Itza.
10. That last mile from home when returning to Geneva.